This was a tough question asked of me ... the kind that breaks the heart. But a person's deepest personal pain often paves the road to healing for so many others ... if they'll open it up to others ... so to the "asker" I say thank you for your honesty.
"How do I celebrate Mother's Day when my mother abandoned me?"
Jesus (in the Bible) asks a no brainer:
Luke 11:11 If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
Jesus never said it wouldn't happen, but no one would dare own up to it. One of the worst of all evils is that of a parent neglecting his or her own children ... yet it happens all of the time. That cycle repeats itself according to multiple studies. The cycle must be broken.
How does one break that cycle then? By applying what seems to be one of the hardest of human responses to perfect ... forgiveness.
The Bible never says you have to be happy that you have been hurt by your parents. It does say you have to honor them, to obey them in the Lord, and to forgive them.
***Honoring your parents does not always mean that you agree with what they done. In some cases it is as simple as being thankful to God that, though they will face the worst of judgments, God still allowed them to exist for the hope of His most prized affection: you. God used your parents and your entire family tree with only you in mind ... and He is also using you for other eternal ramifications. Rendering that level of respect, though it is completely unearned does little to help your parents but something much greater ... it frees you ... and those little ones who will follow you. You would not be you without your parents...
***Obeying your parents in the Lord is totally different from just flat obedience. There are times when obedience is sinful. How? Well ... there are many parents out there who have their children do things that go directly against God's Word (like partying, drinking, drugs, and lewd and sexual activity). God expects us to obey Him first ... doing that can actually save parents in sin. But when children follow their children in sin and use the excuse of obedience ... they end up following the same path and the cycle is repeated. It takes a strong person to stand for the Lord in the midst of the worst of adversities. But someone has to teach those little ones who will follow you...
***Forgiveness may be the hardest of all ... because though the heart forgives, the mind often remembers and replays ... it can seem like an endless cycle of defeat. Forgiveness is merely releasing your right to judge unto condemnation ... it doesn't mean you don't press charges if a crime has been committed. But refusing to forgive someone, as it has been told to me, is like locking someone into a square room with only 3 solid walls. You stand on guard at the gate with your back turned until they have served the sentence you feel justifies the hurt ... but they have long escaped. In reality, the one stuck in prison is you. They have gone on ... maybe learned lessons, maybe hurt more people ... but you are all alone.
So how do you celebrate Mother's Day?
1st ... Let it go ... give it to God. He says to cast all of your cares (hurts, anxieties, and failures) on Him because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
2nd ... Take time to celebrate the mothers in your life that are doing their jobs with Godly diligence. Focus on them ... doing so will remove the focus on your pain
3rd ... Set yourself to the task now of not repeating the cycle. Start praying now about the Godly mother you want to be. This role is not earned so much as it is learned. God wants you to be healed and set free and has promised to help you break that cycle. We know that apples don't fall far from the tree ... which can scare us to death BUT God promises that He can replant the tree (Jer 17:8)
I truly hope you find healing ... God loves you and is not ignorant of your pain.
You are worth it.
That's my take ...
Kudos to you! That was a heart wrenching, yet well written piece of work.
ReplyDeleteIt is saddening to think of a mother abandoning her own child, saddening for the child who is left behind. You brought up a great point of ‘forgiveness’. Isn’t it true that forgiveness is done more so for ourselves than for the person we are actually forgiving?
It is extremely important to shift from a focus of despair to one of happiness such as celebrating motherly ‘figures’ that have played a role in that person’s life or upbringing.
Equally, we each have a part to play. As Christians, we are to do good to others as well as for others. We can become the motherly ‘role’ for that person by showing him/her the right path that leads to ‘changing the cycle’ rather than following it. Every day of our lives we have the chance to make a difference in someone’s life; it’s our choice to decide whether to do so, or not.
When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.
I try to enlist church members into the lives of the youth and young adults ... the stress load they carry today is so much more than what existed in the past generations...
ReplyDeleteThe young people need mentoring ... they need people to notice them and take time for them ...
Great comments